Title: Losers and Saviors|
Author: Juxian Tang
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Warning: contains non-cons
Status/series: complete; a sequel to Paper Soldiers
Archive: yes, anywhere
Summary: Saionji's attempt of meting out justice fails - and he winds up in a
very sad situation.
LOSERS AND SAVIORS
He was so beautiful, so killingly beautiful, as he stood, looking down at
me, thoughtfully biting a strand of his red hair. His eyes, sea-in-rain dark,
stared at me levelly.
I didn't want to look pleadingly at him; I wished I could keep an expression
of indifference. But I was too exhausted - and seeing him was too much a shock
for me to be able to control myself well. All I could manage was to keep
silent, not to make any incoherent, humiliating noises through the stripe of
adhesive tape that covered my mouth.
Touga's gaze slid all over my spread-eagled body: over the cuffs that
fastened my wrists to the head bed, my uncovered groin, obscenely parted
legs... I felt something tremble inside me thinly; I would like to crawl inside
myself, away from his eyes. Please don't look...
His stare, blue, hard and tranquil, stopped on my face.
"So, do you know him?" Kiryuu-san asked.
"Of course," Touga said. "It's my classmate, Saionji
The calmness of his voice was almost comforting - yet at the same time it
felt so distant. I didn't know why my heart was clenching like that. Kiryuu-san
raised his eyebrows.
"Ah so. I should've recognized him even though he changed during last
years - your childhood friend."
"Childhood friend," Touga said quietly.
I didn't see it coming but Touga must've sensed it because his eyes widened
slightly - and then Kiryuu-san backhanded him, making his head dangle. I moaned
in protest, staring hatefully at the man. This man... Hell, I had never
thought, as I had met him, coming to visit Touga to play, that I would hate him
so much. He was always so serious, barely paying any attention to us - except a
casual little squeeze of Touga's shoulder now and then.
Touga's hair swept against his face as he shook his head and touched his jaw
tentatively. For a moment, before he looked at his father, there was something
in his eyes, a fierce, desperate expression of a trapped animal. But it was
gone in a split second, his gaze unfathomable again.
"Then how will you explain his presence here?"
I'm sorry... I wanted Touga to look at me to beg for forgiveness with
my eyes. I didn't want it to happen; I didn't want to bring it on him. But when
Touga did look at me, there was nothing in his eyes that would indicate he
understood or cared. His voice sounded amazingly calm; how could he control
himself like that...
"I have no idea."
"Then I do." A man smoking a cigar, who kept silent until now,
said. "You must've told him about us."
"How else could he know?"
I bit my tongue in anguish. Stupid, stupid Saionji... I thought it would be
easy - I thought I would pull it off. I fuckin' thought it was a good idea to
ring the bell of this house and say to the man who opened me:
"Kiryuu-san sent me here. He said you know what for. Instead of his
son, you know."
It was two days ago. They reminded me about those words times and times
again as they used me, even when I barely heard them through the haze of pain.
"You said 'instead of his son'? You just get what you asked for,
The most vexing thing was that it was the truth. Well, I was only glad that
I hadn't taken the stripe of paper with the address written in Touga's hand
"What does he himself say about it?" Touga asked.
"Nothing." Another man shook his head. "We didn't manage to
make him talk on this topic yet."
I closed my eyes in shame. They didn't know how close they were to making me
talk. There were moments when I screamed to keep myself from saying the words
they wanted to hear. There were moments I didn't quite realize if I talked or
"I think he'd talk finally," the man puffed a cloud of smoke.
"We don't hurry anywhere. But in any case..."
"It's your fault, Touga," Kiryuu-san said. "Willingly or not,
you got your friend involved into it. How could you be so indiscrete?"
"He is not my friend, I told you. It's all in the past."
I flinched at these words. I didn't think that words could hurt me any more
- but Touga was probably the only one who could manage it - and he did. I
turned away; I couldn't really hide my face from them but at least I could stop
Well, what did I expect? Touga had already made it completely clear - on
that night when he told me to go away from his bedroom - that everything was
over. It had been finished then - and I knew it. And still... Exhaustion
must've made me vulnerable - it hurt so much to hear it from him like that.
"It's so much like you, Touga - to get into trouble wherever it's
possible." Kiryuu-san's voice was dry with contempt. "Will you ever
stop embarrassing me..."
The words astonished me more than his hand that suddenly touched my groin. I
hissed in pain as he tightened his palm on my cock.
Touga didn't look up at his father, his head lowered, his lips twisted in a
"Perhaps only this poor idiot is a bigger loser than you, son." I
waited out the pain Kiryuu-san's hand caused. He eyed me without much interest.
"By the way, the boy isn't a masochist, by chance, is he?"
"I don't think he is," one of the men said.
Fuck them. Oh well, so far it had been the other way round: they fucked me.
I had never known I could ever be so powerless, so unable to protect myself. I
had thought I was strong, I was in control - even if I were never strong and in
control with Touga... but it was different...
This experience had one hell to think about; I just didn't know if I would
survive long enough for that.
"Really, how stupid is he - using my name as a cover?" Kiryuu-san
kept talking about me as if I were not here, even as his hand squeezed my cock.
"Did he think it wouldn't be checked?"
I thought it would; but I thought I would have time till then. Maybe, if I
acted immediately, did what I wanted... but I had a moment of faintheartedness
- and then it was too late.
At last Kiryuu-san let me go. But even as he wasn't touching me any more, I
still seemed to feel the imprints of his hands on me.
"He's one amazing bug, ne?"
And you're one dirty bastard, I thought tiredly. I should've started
with him. Or, maybe, I shouldn't. I shouldn't have started it at all -
shouldn't have stepped into Touga's life again when he made it so clear he
didn't want me there any more.
"It'll be a lesson for him not to mess into others' business,"
Kiryuu-san said as if reading my thoughts. "Perhaps he won't have a chance
to learn this lesson, though."
"What..." Touga started.
"What 'what?' You don't mean you're worry about him, do you? I think
you said he was not your friend."
"I don't think it'll be safe to let him go," the third man said.
"He'd be a trouble if he decides to go to police."
"Oh no." Kiryuu-san's face lit up. "Letting him go is out of
question. He's just too much fun. I almost like him more than my own son. Touga's
always so boring... so easy. And this one... look at these eyes. Amethyst
color. And so expressive. I think he's going to amuse us some more.
I had hated it when the man pawed me; but seeing his hands on Touga was
nearly even worse, even though at the moment the touches were almost sexless -
almost like a parental hug.
"So, my boy, you say you don't have any sentimental feelings about this
sight for sore eyes, do you? Nothing like nostalgic childhood memories? No
I didn't know what kind of answer I expected. Everything was entirely my
fault, from the beginning to the end. I didn't want Touga to endanger himself
more, for the sake of some phantom loyalty. I hoped he would make the right
"There have never been any feelings."
"Wonderful," his father chuckled. "I wouldn't like to think
you a romantic idiot, son. Then prove us I'm not wrong about you, okay?"
The suggestion seemed too vague to me to comprehend it fully. I just looked
at Touga with puzzled expression, trying to read something in his eyes - still
trying, even though I should've known by now that one could see in his eyes
only what he wanted to show.
"You know what I mean," his father said. "Prove us you've
learned something during all this time; that I haven't wasted my attention on
What was he to do? I knew this question read clearly in my eyes - but I
couldn't help it, felt too anxious; for once I was grateful for the adhesive
tape on my mouth because it prevented me from demeaning myself even more by
asking, by calling Touga's name.
He made a few steps towards me, an unconcerned expression on his face, a
small, twisted smile playing on his lips. Just his eyes were almost feverish
bright, too blue. I watched as he sat down next to me, too close, and I tried
to shrink away, instinctively. I was too soiled, too... used up for him.
The cuffs didn't let me move much; they never did, even when I had nearly
broken my wrists trying to get free. Touga looked at my face, not avoiding my
eyes but not making a direct contact as well, then glanced over my body
unhurriedly. I tensed; I didn't know why feeling his stare on me was so bad.
There was nothing I could hide; nothing I could do to end this shame.
"I never, never want to see you again," I recalled suddenly
- and for the first time I seemed to understand him.
I knew my face was painfully flushed and I closed my eyes tightly. At least
this way I wouldn't know...
A blow was stinging, a heavy slap on my cheek that made me flinch. I looked
in surprise, almost in disbelief, and saw Touga smile as he raised his hand
"Don't you dare sleep, Saionji-kun."
I heard his father laugh as he hit me again, this time with the back of his
hand. I looked through him and kept my eyes open.
"Yes, like that," he said. "Stay with me."
He ran the knuckles of his hand against my cheekbone casually; his smile got
wider as I tried to withdraw. Then his fingernails scratched against the raw
places on my chest and I gasped, shocked how painful such a small thing could
be. No, I had to keep silent... I was not going to amuse them... him...
The men nodded approvingly; Touga's fingers kept exploring my belly,
pressing and bothering the sore places. I didn't cry out any more - even if I
had to bite my tongue through for that.
"You brainless shit, Saionji," Touga said quietly. The words stung
but the expression of utter disgust on his face was even worse. "Look at
yourself... how pathetic! I told you not to stalk me but you didn't have enough
presence of mind to obey."
"So, he used to stalk you?" Kiryuu-san asked. "Perhaps that's
how he found out..."
"He's one of those idiots for whom words are never enough, aren't you,
Saionji?" Touga touched my burnt nipple lightly - and then squeezed it
hard. "No matter how I push him away, he only crawls back on his knees to
lick my hand."
I tossed my head back, clenched my fists; Touga kept twisting my nipple,
pulling it. I knew he had some blood on his fingers now; how could he... keep
hurting me... Yet he didn't stop.
I gave out a muffled cry. Through the haze, the red flame of Touga's hair
flashed in front of my eyes. He let me go and looked at his hand.
"You disgust me, Saionji."
I rolled my head, feeling pain drain out of my body. Touga studied my face,
chin resting in his palm.
"Do you want some... instruments?" Kiryuu-san asked.
"No, thanks, I'll have him my way. Right, Saionji?"
He didn't expect my answer, of course - and at the next moment his two
fingers thrust into my opening. I thrashed in pain, unable to keep silent and
hating myself for it. He looked at me some more and then looked away.
I dug my fingernails into unyielding steel of the cuffs as he twisted his
fingers inside me. I bled again, the barely scabbed tears reopening under his
He buried his fingers deeper and I clenched my teeth - and then, with
unfailing knowledge, he aimed for the sensitive spot inside me, pressed on it
almost too hard.
I yelped, more with unexpectedness than with physical sensation. But he was
persistent - brushing, massaging it. I shivered; pain from his hands was bad -
but pleasure was worse. He knew me so well; he could play me so easily.
"Look at it, he made the slut hard," one of the men said.
I looked away, not wanting to see my own erect cock and Touga's smug face.
His hand was inescapable, wrapping around my cock, its warmth making me
shudder. He rubbed my shaft, almost playfully. I looked up at the ceiling
His thumb pressed against my cockhead, very hard.
The tips of his fingers traced the lines of my pelvic bones, played with the
curls in my groin. I didn't want him to touch me ever again... I ached for his
hand back on my cock.
"You're really a slut, Saionji," Touga shook his head ruefully.
"You have no self-respect, no dignity. You writhe like a bitch in heat, do
you know that? Well, I'll gratify you."
I saw him push his hair away from his face and lick his lips - and I knew
what he was going to do. I couldn't bear it. I moaned, yanking on the cuffs,
trying to make out the words, to catch his gaze, shaking my head.
Not that; please not that! How could he...
His mouth covered my cock and I moaned again, with sheer bliss of his warmth
enveloping me. His hair spilled over my thighs, tickling mildly as his head
bobbed up and down.
I remembered how he'd done it... on the mats in the kendo room, that first
time... He'd kissed me and I kissed back without thinking - and then he didn't
give me any time to hesitate, his hands freeing me from my clothes swiftly; and
I had never felt happier in my life... That first time when we were together -
I still believed that he could be mine, that I could be real for him.
"The boy is weeping," someone said.
Touga raised his head, holding his hair away from his face with both hands,
looked at me with strange expression. I hadn't noticed I was crying - and even
less I could stop it.
I endured Touga's look - for as long as he stared at me. He shook his head
and his hair slid down, hiding his face.
"Well, it's time to end it."
The sound of his zipper was like a touch of blade. He settled between my
legs, looking down at me.
"I don't like how his ankles are cuffed."
"Suit yourself." A man handed him the key.
A ring on my left ankle unlocked - and it seemed enough for him. My muscles
protested as he raised my leg, opening me. He paused for a moment and then spat
in his palm, spread it over his cock. I tried to struggle but his grip was way
His thrust felt scalding hot, pain flashing through my anus and up inside
me. Touga's face swam out of focus - and I was grateful for it. He kept pushing
in, hot and piercing deeper. I felt the warm hardness of his pelvis against my ass
and then he stopped.
"He's loose." Touga's voice reached me through half-daze.
"So what? You want a virgin?"
"You can always make him more responsive," another man said,
flickering a lighter. I didn't want to think about it.
"Never mind." Touga's voice was slightly hoarse. His fingers stuck
deeply into the skin of my thigh as he used it for leverage. "I would
never expect a good fuck from Saionji Kyouichi."
He pulled out and slammed back again, his thrusts deliberately violent,
angled in the way to bring nothing but pain. But his hand that took my cock,
too roughly to be pleasant, still brought me closer and closer to release. So,
that was what he wanted... To show me that no matter how he hurt me, I was
still his bitch, always would be.
My eyes widened as Touga's father knelt on the bed at my face. He yanked the
adhesive tape from my mouth and I hissed in pain. His cock, freed from his
pants, aimed at my lips.
Fuck you. I pressed my lips together, determined not to give in. A flash of
pain pierced my groin, so sharp that my mouth fell open involuntarily.
"Good," Touga said, still clasping my balls. "Serve my
It was not that they hadn't done it to me before. But this man... feeling
his cock butting into my throat was the worst. I gagged as Kiryuu-san pushed
deeper but he didn't mind, pulling on my hair to guide me.
Now I couldn't see Touga - and, maybe, it was the only good thing in all
that. I could feel him, though - as his cock slammed into ass and his hand
jerked off my cock - and finally my balls drew up and I shot, all over his hand
and my chest, convulsing as his shaft got buried even deeper inside me.
And at the next second his father came, too, flooding my throat with his
semen. I gasped, trying to swallow and feeling it go the wrong way. The man
kept holding me - and when he let me go at last, I coughed and sputtered
Real good. When I thought that it couldn't get any worse, it got worse. I
didn't want to imagine what a mess I was, with the man's come leaking from my
nose. Fortunately, I was too occupied with trying to take a breath to hear if
Touga said anything.
When I stopped coughing, he was already done and out of me. I knew he'd
come, felt the wetness between my legs. He placed the cuff back on my ankle and
"I think one should've made his photos as he was, coming when fucked
from both ends." I felt too numb for contempt in Touga's voice to really
"Don't worry," one of the men put his hand on Touga's shoulder
patronizingly. "We record everything. It's going to be a fine video."
"With this tape, you don't need to be afraid of him," Touga said.
"He won't tell anyone - he'll be your obedient slave, just to keep what
happened in secret."
"That's right," Kiryuu-san said thoughtfully and shrugged. "But
I thought Takasu-san just wanted to go a bit further on him than it's
"I did always want to snuff someone," the man nodded. "But it
can be discussed later. Do you feel like having a drink? Whiskey? Cognac?"
They walked out of the room, leaving me in the darkness.
* * *
A square of light opened to the dark room, waking me up from my
half-slumber, half-oblivion. I looked at the narrow silhouette in the doorway
and heard the distant voices, probably from downstairs. The door slid shut,
cutting the sounds off, and Touga walked towards the bed.
I was glad it was dark and I couldn't see his face. He couldn't see mine
either, wouldn't see it if my lips trembled, if I looked at him with puppy
eyes, the one 'how-could-you-betray-me...again' expression in them. Again...
How many times did he have to do it so that I expected nothing else from him?
I'd probably never know.
He approached me, soundlessly - I almost didn't know how close he was until
the bedding shifted slightly as he sat down near to me. I stuck the teeth in my
lip, hard enough to draw blood - yet it felt good, it hurt enough to prevent me
from making any sound. It was still not dark enough not to see anything; I
closed my eyes. He could do whatever he wanted to me - but he wouldn't make me
look at him... even if he was going to make me come again.
"Saionji." I felt the heat of his body through his clothes against
my skin. It didn't make me shiver - but his voice did. I bit on my lip harder,
already not feeling it. "My little one."
I had been glad he didn't call me by my given name - but this - this was
even worse. His fingers, warm and soft, touched my temple. Strange, I had
always remembered his hands as hard - but they were not like that now.
I jerked, trying to escape, trying to turn away. There was not much I could
do - and his fingers were still on me, stroking my forehead slightly.
"God... Don't tremble like this."
Shit, I was not trembling! His thumb pressed against the beating of pulse on
my temple. I knew it gave me away, it told him everything I tried to hide - but
I could do nothing about it. All I could do was not to open my eyes. This time
he wouldn't make me...
He took my face in both hands and leaned down. I could feel the smell of
cigarettes from his lips and his hair. I thought he didn't smoke... He was so
close as if he was going to kiss me.
"Where is it, Saionji?" he asked.
My eyes snapped open, seeing just paler shape of his face in the shadows. I
felt a tickling sensation of blood sliding from the corner of my mouth.
"Where is it?" he repeated. "A weapon. A gun or what did you
take with you."
"I don't have no gun," I whispered. The strong grip of his hands
on my face was firm but didn't hurt.
"Don't lie. I know you brought something with you. You're a fool,
Saionji, but not such a fool. You wanted to kill them, didn't you?" What
did he think I was? I stared at him, seeing almost nothing. How could it come
to his mind... "You wanted to kill them because of me," he added with
a soft chuckle.
He dared... He thought that I... Fuck him!
"Stupid, stupid one. Tell me where it is. I have to get you out of here
before they come back for you."
I gnawed on my lip again, worrying the cut, making it bleed again. He was
lying to me; of course, he was - as always. Touga's palms cupped on my face and
his fingers, long and cool, plaited through my hair.
So what if it was a lie? As if I had anything else to lose. Let him play his
games and gain whatever he planned to gain. I was giving up.
"It..." I started. "It's..."
"It's here." The light flashed up, flooding the room, and I yelped
in pain as Touga started away from me, yanking his fingers out of my hair
abruptly. I squinted against the light, discerning at last Touga's father at
the door - and my gun - the gun I'd hidden when entering this place - in his
hand. Others stood behind Kiryuu-san, shadow of interest for once in their
bored eyes. "Is it what you were looking for, my boy?"
I had hoped I would have a chance to use the gun; but, maybe, I would never
do it even if I could, weak and fainthearted as I was... I wanted too many
things but never had enough determination to make them come true.
Yes, I wanted to kill them, just as Touga said, in his imperturbable
arrogance. I wanted to kill them because of him... I wanted to free him, to be
his savior, his warrior, his avenger... His prince. Even if Touga had pushed me
away and would never know what I did.
But what to think about it now? I forfeited my chances... I most possibly
forfeited my life as well. But, maybe, it was to the best. No one would regret
if I died - no one would even recall it. Wasn't it this way here, in Ohtori -
where everyone forgot you as soon as you walked out of their life?
"So, tell me, son, what for did you need this gun?"
I saw Touga look at his father; this expression was in his eyes again - of a
trapped, desperate animal, a fox looking at a dog. It appeared only for a few
moments before he resumed control. His father stepped towards him and hit him
with the gun handle on his face.
Touga didn't make a sound; the only sound I heard was sickening crunching of
his teeth broken. He raised the hand but swift drops of blood already spattered
on my body from his mouth.
I flinched. His blood burned my skin. I felt something snap inside me. Damn
it! I didn't care what he had ever done to me. It didn't matter. There was
nothing I wouldn't forgive him.
Touga tucked his hair away, looking up at Kiryuu-san, with blood freely
leaking over the back of his hand.
"You disappoint me, my boy. You always so disappoint me, Touga. You'll
never be anything but a whore, obviously."
Kiryuu-san raised his hand with the gun slowly, its black muzzle pointing at
Touga's face. The man's finger lay on the trigger. I jerked towards him,
forgetting the cuffs. He didn't pay me any attention. Touga sat still, his eyes
so serene, meeting his father's gaze.
"Well," Kiryuu-san said. "I think I'll give you one more
chance. Just for the sake of those twelve years I wasted on you."
I watched as he opened the cylinder and spilled the bullets on his palm.
There were five of them - I had shot one checking the weapon when I had bought
it. I wonder if you know how difficult it is to buy a gun in Ohtori Academy...
Swords - now swords are another thing.
He tossed the bullets up and caught them deftly, then let them go, all of
them except one - the one that returned back to the slot.
I knew what he had in mind even before he rolled the cylinder with his palm.
How showy... watched too many westerns, ne?
"Here." For a moment he seemed about to hand the gun to Touga but
then changed his mind. "Or, maybe, I should show you how it's done."
He knelt on the bed, the gun snuggled comfortably in his hand. I thought I
was ready; and yet the coldness of the metal against the inner side of my thigh
made me flinch hugely. Kiryuu-san didn't laugh; other men did.
"Scary?" He traced patterns on my belly. "Most possibly you
won't even feel it when it comes. Unless you're too unlucky and it takes a
wrong way. But then we'll finish you off - we can't afford you squeal and wail
I tried not to look, to make myself feel nothing as he brushed the gun
against my nipple. It pressed to my lips and I opened my mouth. There was no
sense in resisting.
"Good boy," he said pushing it in. The steel clanked against my
teeth painfully. I shivered feeling the front sight cut against my palate. He
kept thrusting the gun in my mouth steadily. "Well, that's wet enough, I
I looked at him in astonishment as he yanked the gun out of my mouth. And
the next thing I felt was it pressed against my anus.
"Father." It was the only word Touga said.
My mind told me I should've relaxed, made it easier - but I couldn't. It
didn't help, of course, being tense - Kiryuu-san just forced it in, almost
"And pull the trigger. Like that."
I panicked only after I'd heard a click. Alternate waves of heat and cold
flooded me, fear bigger than anything I had felt in my life. I heard my teeth
Touga's face was deathly pale, his eyes frozen, unblinking.
"The first shot is practically never the lethal one," Kiryuu-san
said crossing his arms on his chest. "Maybe, not even the second. I want
you to be a good sport - so, let's say, you try twice. If he stays alive, he'll
go home. If not... In either case, you and I - we forget that anything
happened. You continue your education as you were intended, Touga, and Nanami
has her tour to Europe she dreamed about. And all the rest is as it used to be.
We're a family, after all, my boy, aren't we?"
The gun between my legs was neither big nor heavy; I just felt it as
something huge and terribly uncomfortable and burning hot. Kiryuu-san smiled. I
looked at him, then at Touga, then back at him. Perhaps it made sense... two
shots. I tried to recall what I read about the chances in Russian roulette, like
that the bullet was heavy, so, the slot with it tended to fall down. Perhaps I
even had chances to survive it.
Perhaps Kiryuu-san didn't even lie that he would let me go.
"Your future is in your own hands, Touga," he said. "It
always had been. You made right choices when you were little - now don't throw
it all away."
Touga's hand brushed against my thigh accidentally as he reached to the
handle. I couldn't breathe; I had never been more scared in my life - so scared
that there was no thought in my head except one - to finish it as soon as
"Do it faster," I said through clenched teeth.
He didn't acknowledge it if he heard me. Then pain scalded my anus - and I
saw the gun in Touga's hand, pointed at his father. The sound was an empty
snap, then one more.
My heart leapt to my throat and stayed there, not letting me swallow, not
letting me inhale. Touga looked at the gun in his hand. So, those two shots
were safe ones... He could've done it. Then the dry sound of his father's
laughter brought me to reality.
"You tried to kill me? I thought you'd never have the guts for it. But
then you never have the guts for anything - except for spreading your legs. And
now even that won't help you. However, maybe, your skills will be appreciated
in prison, ne?"
"Touga, no!" I screamed as he pointed the gun again.
A shot rang through my ears - and Kiryuu-san collapsed on the floor,
clasping his wounded leg. Touga stared at his gun with incredibly astonished
expression. And the men in the room stared with as much astonishment at the
Nanami directed the gun in her hand at them.
"No one moves."
"You... you... bitch!" Kiryuu-san's voice broke with pain as he
writhed on the floor, a huge stain of red spreading on his grey pants above the
knee. Nanami looked at him and shook her head slightly, as if in disbelief.
"Sorry for interrupting you... otosama."
"You'll regret it!"
"I don't think so." She shook her head again and her fair curls
fell down from under the black bandana on her head. She looked like a poster
for a spy movie, in skin-tight leather and a short jacket. Her gun was a
miniature feminine thing, so much unlike mine. "Stay away from me now,
father. Stay away from us. Try something - and I'll use this." She raised
a gloved hand with a tape in it. "You shouldn't have babbled so much...
'cause it may be used against you."
"You don't know..." Kiryuu-san's face looked pale and old with
pain and yet he still tried to get up. "You brainless whore, you're going
to lose everything! All your nice clothes, your jewelry, your credit card -
everything. I wonder if you have even one friend left when you become nothing,
an outcast. You'll both return to the street - just where I found you!"
"I'm paying the debts..." I recalled Touga's voice on that
night when everything changed. "For all he did for us."
"I hope you'll die of sepsis," Nanami said royally and turned to
us. "And you move! I didn't mean you not to move."
The cuffs snapped open on my wrists and ankles and I took Touga's reached
hand. He pulled me up on my feet.
"Where are your clothes?"
"I wish I knew," I muttered.
Eventually we stole a coat, belonging to one of the guests, no doubt. It
made me look like an exhibitionist but at least it was better than nothing.
Nanami urged on us as I limped out of the house, leaning heavily on Touga's
shoulder. Two days of being cuffed didn't do good to my muscles.
Nanami moved straight to Kiryuu's Jaguar.
"Get in, what are you waiting for?"
"You think dad's gonna drive us home?" Touga said.
"Very funny. I have the keys." She threw them up and caught in her
palm deftly. Just as their father had done with the bullets a few minutes ago.
The memory was suddenly too much for me. Well, I'd prefer to say it was
physical sickness that overwhelmed me but, maybe, it was just terror. My knees
went weak and the world twisted around me.
I opened my eyes feeling slight rocking of the car and low rumbling of the
engine. I was on the backseat; the cloth of the raincoat was coarse on my raw
skin but it didn't feel too bad. And there was the warmth coming from Touga's
arms around my shoulders and his lap under my head.
I should've got free from him, I thought looking in concentration at the
ivory leather cover of the seat in front of me. But I didn't move.
"Did you hear what names he called me?" Nanami's shrill voice came
from the front seat. "And here I thought he cared for me!"
"You shot him in the leg, Nanami." Touga said calmly. But his hand
in my hair was anything but calm, fingering, patting it unceasingly,
"All the same! He called me brainless! I'm not brainless!"
"Nanami, how did you find us?" Touga interrupted her.
"Huh!" She made a pause, for the greater effect. "You men
think you're the only ones with some brain. You think I can't put two and two
together, don't you? This idiot of your friend stole the address but there were
imprints in the next page. I shaded them with a pencil and the letters came
"You're so incredibly smart," I mumbled.
"You bet I am!" A moment later her voice became icy cold.
"Actually, your irony is out of place, Saionji." And one more moment
later. "What, you're lucid?"
"He's delirious," Touga said. He kept sorting out my hair,
absent-mindedly. I wanted to sit up; but his arm didn't let me, so, I turned on
my back and looked up at his face.
His eyes through unkempt strands of red hair seemed infinitely sad - but
most probably it was just the shadows in the car. He didn't say anything, just
looked at me - and I said nothing, too. There could be worse things than lying
on his lap and looking at his pale smiling face.
Then I saw thin silver trickles running from his eyes.
"Touga," I said, "you're crying."
"Not at all," he said in an unchanged voice. His tears fell on my
face, warm, wet and salty and I licked them from my lips. I wanted to touch
him, I tried to get up again - and his arms strained around me, not letting me
go. I stopped trying - but the ring of his arms still tightened around me, as
if he couldn't stop it.
Then suddenly he bent towards me, his hair falling over me, casting a
curtain of red all around us - and I heard his voice, not a whisper and not
composed as usual - but high, almost breaking.
"I love you so much. I love you so very much... I love you for so many
years, Kyouichi, please never let me go..."
He took my hand, fingers woven with mine, and brought it to his chest, under
his jacket, pressed it to his skin. And through the hardness of his ribcage I
felt the steady, strong beating of his heart.
"This... This is disgusting!" Nanami's choked voice caught us.
"You don't have anything else to do but to kiss him?!"
Touga raised his head - and in the rear view mirror I saw Nanami's scarlet,
angry face and glaring eyes.
I took our intertwined hands and brought them forward, towards her. For a
few moments she didn't seem to notice or didn't want to react - and then her
small hand lay over mine, her fingers plaited through Touga's. It was so
quiet... just the sound of the engine, of the tires rustling on the road.
Nothing more. No one else in the whole world. Touga's palm was hot and solid
under my palm and Nanami's little fingers clasped on mine from above - and I
thought I'd never felt more complete... more real.
"Ooh shit!" Nanami yelled, dropping our hands, and clutched the
steering wheel. The car made a zigzag on the road and I saw an angry face of a
silver-haired driver in the red car that we nearly missed.
"I think it was Trustee Chairman Ohtori," Touga muttered.
"Nanami, for God's sake, if you drive - then drive."
"Nanami is driving." At last I realized it.
"It's difficult to reach the pedals," she complained.
"Don't be surprised when she kills us both," Touga said
"Say 'thank you' I don't show you the Ends of the World."
"What's the Ends of the World?" Touga and I said in one voice.