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Slash and Yaoi Fiction
Title: Losers and Saviors
Author: Juxian Tang
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Pairing: Touga/Saionji
Rating: NC-17
Warning: contains non-cons
Status/series: complete; a sequel to Paper Soldiers
Archive: yes, anywhere
Feedback: juxiantang@hotmail.com
URL: http://juxian.slashcity.net
Summary: Saionji's attempt of meting out justice fails - and he winds up in a very sad situation.


He was so beautiful, so killingly beautiful, as he stood, looking down at me, thoughtfully biting a strand of his red hair. His eyes, sea-in-rain dark, stared at me levelly.

I didn't want to look pleadingly at him; I wished I could keep an expression of indifference. But I was too exhausted - and seeing him was too much a shock for me to be able to control myself well. All I could manage was to keep silent, not to make any incoherent, humiliating noises through the stripe of adhesive tape that covered my mouth.

Touga's gaze slid all over my spread-eagled body: over the cuffs that fastened my wrists to the head bed, my uncovered groin, obscenely parted legs... I felt something tremble inside me thinly; I would like to crawl inside myself, away from his eyes. Please don't look...

His stare, blue, hard and tranquil, stopped on my face.

"So, do you know him?" Kiryuu-san asked.

"Of course," Touga said. "It's my classmate, Saionji Kyouichi."

The calmness of his voice was almost comforting - yet at the same time it felt so distant. I didn't know why my heart was clenching like that. Kiryuu-san raised his eyebrows.

"Ah so. I should've recognized him even though he changed during last years - your childhood friend."

"Childhood friend," Touga said quietly. "Exactly."

I didn't see it coming but Touga must've sensed it because his eyes widened slightly - and then Kiryuu-san backhanded him, making his head dangle. I moaned in protest, staring hatefully at the man. This man... Hell, I had never thought, as I had met him, coming to visit Touga to play, that I would hate him so much. He was always so serious, barely paying any attention to us - except a casual little squeeze of Touga's shoulder now and then.

Touga's hair swept against his face as he shook his head and touched his jaw tentatively. For a moment, before he looked at his father, there was something in his eyes, a fierce, desperate expression of a trapped animal. But it was gone in a split second, his gaze unfathomable again.

"Then how will you explain his presence here?"

I'm sorry... I wanted Touga to look at me to beg for forgiveness with my eyes. I didn't want it to happen; I didn't want to bring it on him. But when Touga did look at me, there was nothing in his eyes that would indicate he understood or cared. His voice sounded amazingly calm; how could he control himself like that...

"I have no idea."

"Then I do." A man smoking a cigar, who kept silent until now, said. "You must've told him about us."

"I didn't."

"How else could he know?"

I bit my tongue in anguish. Stupid, stupid Saionji... I thought it would be easy - I thought I would pull it off. I fuckin' thought it was a good idea to ring the bell of this house and say to the man who opened me:

"Kiryuu-san sent me here. He said you know what for. Instead of his son, you know."

It was two days ago. They reminded me about those words times and times again as they used me, even when I barely heard them through the haze of pain.

"You said 'instead of his son'? You just get what you asked for, boy."

The most vexing thing was that it was the truth. Well, I was only glad that I hadn't taken the stripe of paper with the address written in Touga's hand with me.

"What does he himself say about it?" Touga asked.

"Nothing." Another man shook his head. "We didn't manage to make him talk on this topic yet."

I closed my eyes in shame. They didn't know how close they were to making me talk. There were moments when I screamed to keep myself from saying the words they wanted to hear. There were moments I didn't quite realize if I talked or not.

"I think he'd talk finally," the man puffed a cloud of smoke. "We don't hurry anywhere. But in any case..."

"It's your fault, Touga," Kiryuu-san said. "Willingly or not, you got your friend involved into it. How could you be so indiscrete?"

"He is not my friend, I told you. It's all in the past."

I flinched at these words. I didn't think that words could hurt me any more - but Touga was probably the only one who could manage it - and he did. I turned away; I couldn't really hide my face from them but at least I could stop seeing them.

Well, what did I expect? Touga had already made it completely clear - on that night when he told me to go away from his bedroom - that everything was over. It had been finished then - and I knew it. And still... Exhaustion must've made me vulnerable - it hurt so much to hear it from him like that.

"It's so much like you, Touga - to get into trouble wherever it's possible." Kiryuu-san's voice was dry with contempt. "Will you ever stop embarrassing me..."

The words astonished me more than his hand that suddenly touched my groin. I hissed in pain as he tightened his palm on my cock.

Touga didn't look up at his father, his head lowered, his lips twisted in a little smile.

"Perhaps only this poor idiot is a bigger loser than you, son." I waited out the pain Kiryuu-san's hand caused. He eyed me without much interest. "By the way, the boy isn't a masochist, by chance, is he?"

"I don't think he is," one of the men said.

Fuck them. Oh well, so far it had been the other way round: they fucked me. I had never known I could ever be so powerless, so unable to protect myself. I had thought I was strong, I was in control - even if I were never strong and in control with Touga... but it was different...

This experience had one hell to think about; I just didn't know if I would survive long enough for that.

"Really, how stupid is he - using my name as a cover?" Kiryuu-san kept talking about me as if I were not here, even as his hand squeezed my cock. "Did he think it wouldn't be checked?"

I thought it would; but I thought I would have time till then. Maybe, if I acted immediately, did what I wanted... but I had a moment of faintheartedness - and then it was too late.

At last Kiryuu-san let me go. But even as he wasn't touching me any more, I still seemed to feel the imprints of his hands on me.

"He's one amazing bug, ne?"

And you're one dirty bastard, I thought tiredly. I should've started with him. Or, maybe, I shouldn't. I shouldn't have started it at all - shouldn't have stepped into Touga's life again when he made it so clear he didn't want me there any more.

"It'll be a lesson for him not to mess into others' business," Kiryuu-san said as if reading my thoughts. "Perhaps he won't have a chance to learn this lesson, though."

"What..." Touga started.

"What 'what?' You don't mean you're worry about him, do you? I think you said he was not your friend."

"I don't think it'll be safe to let him go," the third man said. "He'd be a trouble if he decides to go to police."

"Oh no." Kiryuu-san's face lit up. "Letting him go is out of question. He's just too much fun. I almost like him more than my own son. Touga's always so boring... so easy. And this one... look at these eyes. Amethyst color. And so expressive. I think he's going to amuse us some more. Touga!"

I had hated it when the man pawed me; but seeing his hands on Touga was nearly even worse, even though at the moment the touches were almost sexless - almost like a parental hug.

"So, my boy, you say you don't have any sentimental feelings about this sight for sore eyes, do you? Nothing like nostalgic childhood memories? No regrets?"

I didn't know what kind of answer I expected. Everything was entirely my fault, from the beginning to the end. I didn't want Touga to endanger himself more, for the sake of some phantom loyalty. I hoped he would make the right choice.

"There have never been any feelings."

"Wonderful," his father chuckled. "I wouldn't like to think you a romantic idiot, son. Then prove us I'm not wrong about you, okay?"

The suggestion seemed too vague to me to comprehend it fully. I just looked at Touga with puzzled expression, trying to read something in his eyes - still trying, even though I should've known by now that one could see in his eyes only what he wanted to show.

"You know what I mean," his father said. "Prove us you've learned something during all this time; that I haven't wasted my attention on you."

What was he to do? I knew this question read clearly in my eyes - but I couldn't help it, felt too anxious; for once I was grateful for the adhesive tape on my mouth because it prevented me from demeaning myself even more by asking, by calling Touga's name.

He made a few steps towards me, an unconcerned expression on his face, a small, twisted smile playing on his lips. Just his eyes were almost feverish bright, too blue. I watched as he sat down next to me, too close, and I tried to shrink away, instinctively. I was too soiled, too... used up for him.

The cuffs didn't let me move much; they never did, even when I had nearly broken my wrists trying to get free. Touga looked at my face, not avoiding my eyes but not making a direct contact as well, then glanced over my body unhurriedly. I tensed; I didn't know why feeling his stare on me was so bad. There was nothing I could hide; nothing I could do to end this shame.

"I never, never want to see you again," I recalled suddenly - and for the first time I seemed to understand him.

I knew my face was painfully flushed and I closed my eyes tightly. At least this way I wouldn't know...

A blow was stinging, a heavy slap on my cheek that made me flinch. I looked in surprise, almost in disbelief, and saw Touga smile as he raised his hand again.

"Don't you dare sleep, Saionji-kun."

I heard his father laugh as he hit me again, this time with the back of his hand. I looked through him and kept my eyes open.

"Yes, like that," he said. "Stay with me."

He ran the knuckles of his hand against my cheekbone casually; his smile got wider as I tried to withdraw. Then his fingernails scratched against the raw places on my chest and I gasped, shocked how painful such a small thing could be. No, I had to keep silent... I was not going to amuse them... him...

The men nodded approvingly; Touga's fingers kept exploring my belly, pressing and bothering the sore places. I didn't cry out any more - even if I had to bite my tongue through for that.

"You brainless shit, Saionji," Touga said quietly. The words stung but the expression of utter disgust on his face was even worse. "Look at yourself... how pathetic! I told you not to stalk me but you didn't have enough presence of mind to obey."

"So, he used to stalk you?" Kiryuu-san asked. "Perhaps that's how he found out..."

"He's one of those idiots for whom words are never enough, aren't you, Saionji?" Touga touched my burnt nipple lightly - and then squeezed it hard. "No matter how I push him away, he only crawls back on his knees to lick my hand."

I tossed my head back, clenched my fists; Touga kept twisting my nipple, pulling it. I knew he had some blood on his fingers now; how could he... keep hurting me... Yet he didn't stop.

I gave out a muffled cry. Through the haze, the red flame of Touga's hair flashed in front of my eyes. He let me go and looked at his hand.

"You disgust me, Saionji."

I rolled my head, feeling pain drain out of my body. Touga studied my face, chin resting in his palm.

"Do you want some... instruments?" Kiryuu-san asked.

"No, thanks, I'll have him my way. Right, Saionji?"

He didn't expect my answer, of course - and at the next moment his two fingers thrust into my opening. I thrashed in pain, unable to keep silent and hating myself for it. He looked at me some more and then looked away.

I dug my fingernails into unyielding steel of the cuffs as he twisted his fingers inside me. I bled again, the barely scabbed tears reopening under his touch.

He buried his fingers deeper and I clenched my teeth - and then, with unfailing knowledge, he aimed for the sensitive spot inside me, pressed on it almost too hard.

I yelped, more with unexpectedness than with physical sensation. But he was persistent - brushing, massaging it. I shivered; pain from his hands was bad - but pleasure was worse. He knew me so well; he could play me so easily.

"Look at it, he made the slut hard," one of the men said.

I looked away, not wanting to see my own erect cock and Touga's smug face.

His hand was inescapable, wrapping around my cock, its warmth making me shudder. He rubbed my shaft, almost playfully. I looked up at the ceiling desperately.

His thumb pressed against my cockhead, very hard.

"Pay attention."

The tips of his fingers traced the lines of my pelvic bones, played with the curls in my groin. I didn't want him to touch me ever again... I ached for his hand back on my cock.

"You're really a slut, Saionji," Touga shook his head ruefully. "You have no self-respect, no dignity. You writhe like a bitch in heat, do you know that? Well, I'll gratify you."

I saw him push his hair away from his face and lick his lips - and I knew what he was going to do. I couldn't bear it. I moaned, yanking on the cuffs, trying to make out the words, to catch his gaze, shaking my head.

Not that; please not that! How could he...

His mouth covered my cock and I moaned again, with sheer bliss of his warmth enveloping me. His hair spilled over my thighs, tickling mildly as his head bobbed up and down.

I remembered how he'd done it... on the mats in the kendo room, that first time... He'd kissed me and I kissed back without thinking - and then he didn't give me any time to hesitate, his hands freeing me from my clothes swiftly; and I had never felt happier in my life... That first time when we were together - I still believed that he could be mine, that I could be real for him.

"The boy is weeping," someone said.

Touga raised his head, holding his hair away from his face with both hands, looked at me with strange expression. I hadn't noticed I was crying - and even less I could stop it.

I endured Touga's look - for as long as he stared at me. He shook his head and his hair slid down, hiding his face.

"Well, it's time to end it."

The sound of his zipper was like a touch of blade. He settled between my legs, looking down at me.

"I don't like how his ankles are cuffed."

"Suit yourself." A man handed him the key.

A ring on my left ankle unlocked - and it seemed enough for him. My muscles protested as he raised my leg, opening me. He paused for a moment and then spat in his palm, spread it over his cock. I tried to struggle but his grip was way too relentless.

His thrust felt scalding hot, pain flashing through my anus and up inside me. Touga's face swam out of focus - and I was grateful for it. He kept pushing in, hot and piercing deeper. I felt the warm hardness of his pelvis against my ass and then he stopped.

"He's loose." Touga's voice reached me through half-daze.

"So what? You want a virgin?"

"You can always make him more responsive," another man said, flickering a lighter. I didn't want to think about it.

"Never mind." Touga's voice was slightly hoarse. His fingers stuck deeply into the skin of my thigh as he used it for leverage. "I would never expect a good fuck from Saionji Kyouichi."

He pulled out and slammed back again, his thrusts deliberately violent, angled in the way to bring nothing but pain. But his hand that took my cock, too roughly to be pleasant, still brought me closer and closer to release. So, that was what he wanted... To show me that no matter how he hurt me, I was still his bitch, always would be.

My eyes widened as Touga's father knelt on the bed at my face. He yanked the adhesive tape from my mouth and I hissed in pain. His cock, freed from his pants, aimed at my lips.

Fuck you. I pressed my lips together, determined not to give in. A flash of pain pierced my groin, so sharp that my mouth fell open involuntarily.

"Good," Touga said, still clasping my balls. "Serve my father."

It was not that they hadn't done it to me before. But this man... feeling his cock butting into my throat was the worst. I gagged as Kiryuu-san pushed deeper but he didn't mind, pulling on my hair to guide me.

Now I couldn't see Touga - and, maybe, it was the only good thing in all that. I could feel him, though - as his cock slammed into ass and his hand jerked off my cock - and finally my balls drew up and I shot, all over his hand and my chest, convulsing as his shaft got buried even deeper inside me.

And at the next second his father came, too, flooding my throat with his semen. I gasped, trying to swallow and feeling it go the wrong way. The man kept holding me - and when he let me go at last, I coughed and sputtered desperately.

Real good. When I thought that it couldn't get any worse, it got worse. I didn't want to imagine what a mess I was, with the man's come leaking from my nose. Fortunately, I was too occupied with trying to take a breath to hear if Touga said anything.

When I stopped coughing, he was already done and out of me. I knew he'd come, felt the wetness between my legs. He placed the cuff back on my ankle and locked it.

"I think one should've made his photos as he was, coming when fucked from both ends." I felt too numb for contempt in Touga's voice to really hurt.

"Don't worry," one of the men put his hand on Touga's shoulder patronizingly. "We record everything. It's going to be a fine video."

"With this tape, you don't need to be afraid of him," Touga said. "He won't tell anyone - he'll be your obedient slave, just to keep what happened in secret."

"That's right," Kiryuu-san said thoughtfully and shrugged. "But I thought Takasu-san just wanted to go a bit further on him than it's safe."

"I did always want to snuff someone," the man nodded. "But it can be discussed later. Do you feel like having a drink? Whiskey? Cognac?"

They walked out of the room, leaving me in the darkness.

* * *

A square of light opened to the dark room, waking me up from my half-slumber, half-oblivion. I looked at the narrow silhouette in the doorway and heard the distant voices, probably from downstairs. The door slid shut, cutting the sounds off, and Touga walked towards the bed.

I was glad it was dark and I couldn't see his face. He couldn't see mine either, wouldn't see it if my lips trembled, if I looked at him with puppy eyes, the one 'how-could-you-betray-me...again' expression in them. Again... How many times did he have to do it so that I expected nothing else from him? I'd probably never know.

He approached me, soundlessly - I almost didn't know how close he was until the bedding shifted slightly as he sat down near to me. I stuck the teeth in my lip, hard enough to draw blood - yet it felt good, it hurt enough to prevent me from making any sound. It was still not dark enough not to see anything; I closed my eyes. He could do whatever he wanted to me - but he wouldn't make me look at him... even if he was going to make me come again.

"Saionji." I felt the heat of his body through his clothes against my skin. It didn't make me shiver - but his voice did. I bit on my lip harder, already not feeling it. "My little one."

I had been glad he didn't call me by my given name - but this - this was even worse. His fingers, warm and soft, touched my temple. Strange, I had always remembered his hands as hard - but they were not like that now.

I jerked, trying to escape, trying to turn away. There was not much I could do - and his fingers were still on me, stroking my forehead slightly.

"God... Don't tremble like this."

Shit, I was not trembling! His thumb pressed against the beating of pulse on my temple. I knew it gave me away, it told him everything I tried to hide - but I could do nothing about it. All I could do was not to open my eyes. This time he wouldn't make me...

He took my face in both hands and leaned down. I could feel the smell of cigarettes from his lips and his hair. I thought he didn't smoke... He was so close as if he was going to kiss me.

"Where is it, Saionji?" he asked.

My eyes snapped open, seeing just paler shape of his face in the shadows. I felt a tickling sensation of blood sliding from the corner of my mouth.

"Where is it?" he repeated. "A weapon. A gun or what did you take with you."

"I don't have no gun," I whispered. The strong grip of his hands on my face was firm but didn't hurt.

"Don't lie. I know you brought something with you. You're a fool, Saionji, but not such a fool. You wanted to kill them, didn't you?" What did he think I was? I stared at him, seeing almost nothing. How could it come to his mind... "You wanted to kill them because of me," he added with a soft chuckle.

He dared... He thought that I... Fuck him!

"Stupid, stupid one. Tell me where it is. I have to get you out of here before they come back for you."

I gnawed on my lip again, worrying the cut, making it bleed again. He was lying to me; of course, he was - as always. Touga's palms cupped on my face and his fingers, long and cool, plaited through my hair.

So what if it was a lie? As if I had anything else to lose. Let him play his games and gain whatever he planned to gain. I was giving up.

"It..." I started. "It's..."

"It's here." The light flashed up, flooding the room, and I yelped in pain as Touga started away from me, yanking his fingers out of my hair abruptly. I squinted against the light, discerning at last Touga's father at the door - and my gun - the gun I'd hidden when entering this place - in his hand. Others stood behind Kiryuu-san, shadow of interest for once in their bored eyes. "Is it what you were looking for, my boy?"

I had hoped I would have a chance to use the gun; but, maybe, I would never do it even if I could, weak and fainthearted as I was... I wanted too many things but never had enough determination to make them come true.

Yes, I wanted to kill them, just as Touga said, in his imperturbable arrogance. I wanted to kill them because of him... I wanted to free him, to be his savior, his warrior, his avenger... His prince. Even if Touga had pushed me away and would never know what I did.

But what to think about it now? I forfeited my chances... I most possibly forfeited my life as well. But, maybe, it was to the best. No one would regret if I died - no one would even recall it. Wasn't it this way here, in Ohtori - where everyone forgot you as soon as you walked out of their life?

"So, tell me, son, what for did you need this gun?"

I saw Touga look at his father; this expression was in his eyes again - of a trapped, desperate animal, a fox looking at a dog. It appeared only for a few moments before he resumed control. His father stepped towards him and hit him with the gun handle on his face.

Touga didn't make a sound; the only sound I heard was sickening crunching of his teeth broken. He raised the hand but swift drops of blood already spattered on my body from his mouth.

I flinched. His blood burned my skin. I felt something snap inside me. Damn it! I didn't care what he had ever done to me. It didn't matter. There was nothing I wouldn't forgive him.

Touga tucked his hair away, looking up at Kiryuu-san, with blood freely leaking over the back of his hand.

"You disappoint me, my boy. You always so disappoint me, Touga. You'll never be anything but a whore, obviously."

Kiryuu-san raised his hand with the gun slowly, its black muzzle pointing at Touga's face. The man's finger lay on the trigger. I jerked towards him, forgetting the cuffs. He didn't pay me any attention. Touga sat still, his eyes so serene, meeting his father's gaze.

"Well," Kiryuu-san said. "I think I'll give you one more chance. Just for the sake of those twelve years I wasted on you."

I watched as he opened the cylinder and spilled the bullets on his palm. There were five of them - I had shot one checking the weapon when I had bought it. I wonder if you know how difficult it is to buy a gun in Ohtori Academy... Swords - now swords are another thing.

He tossed the bullets up and caught them deftly, then let them go, all of them except one - the one that returned back to the slot.

I knew what he had in mind even before he rolled the cylinder with his palm. How showy... watched too many westerns, ne?

"Here." For a moment he seemed about to hand the gun to Touga but then changed his mind. "Or, maybe, I should show you how it's done."

He knelt on the bed, the gun snuggled comfortably in his hand. I thought I was ready; and yet the coldness of the metal against the inner side of my thigh made me flinch hugely. Kiryuu-san didn't laugh; other men did.

"Scary?" He traced patterns on my belly. "Most possibly you won't even feel it when it comes. Unless you're too unlucky and it takes a wrong way. But then we'll finish you off - we can't afford you squeal and wail here."

I tried not to look, to make myself feel nothing as he brushed the gun against my nipple. It pressed to my lips and I opened my mouth. There was no sense in resisting.

"Good boy," he said pushing it in. The steel clanked against my teeth painfully. I shivered feeling the front sight cut against my palate. He kept thrusting the gun in my mouth steadily. "Well, that's wet enough, I think."

I looked at him in astonishment as he yanked the gun out of my mouth. And the next thing I felt was it pressed against my anus.

"Father." It was the only word Touga said.

My mind told me I should've relaxed, made it easier - but I couldn't. It didn't help, of course, being tense - Kiryuu-san just forced it in, almost without effort.

"And pull the trigger. Like that."

I panicked only after I'd heard a click. Alternate waves of heat and cold flooded me, fear bigger than anything I had felt in my life. I heard my teeth chattering.

Touga's face was deathly pale, his eyes frozen, unblinking.

"The first shot is practically never the lethal one," Kiryuu-san said crossing his arms on his chest. "Maybe, not even the second. I want you to be a good sport - so, let's say, you try twice. If he stays alive, he'll go home. If not... In either case, you and I - we forget that anything happened. You continue your education as you were intended, Touga, and Nanami has her tour to Europe she dreamed about. And all the rest is as it used to be. We're a family, after all, my boy, aren't we?"

The gun between my legs was neither big nor heavy; I just felt it as something huge and terribly uncomfortable and burning hot. Kiryuu-san smiled. I looked at him, then at Touga, then back at him. Perhaps it made sense... two shots. I tried to recall what I read about the chances in Russian roulette, like that the bullet was heavy, so, the slot with it tended to fall down. Perhaps I even had chances to survive it.

Perhaps Kiryuu-san didn't even lie that he would let me go.

"Your future is in your own hands, Touga," he said. "It always had been. You made right choices when you were little - now don't throw it all away."

Touga's hand brushed against my thigh accidentally as he reached to the handle. I couldn't breathe; I had never been more scared in my life - so scared that there was no thought in my head except one - to finish it as soon as possible.

"Do it faster," I said through clenched teeth.

He didn't acknowledge it if he heard me. Then pain scalded my anus - and I saw the gun in Touga's hand, pointed at his father. The sound was an empty snap, then one more.

My heart leapt to my throat and stayed there, not letting me swallow, not letting me inhale. Touga looked at the gun in his hand. So, those two shots were safe ones... He could've done it. Then the dry sound of his father's laughter brought me to reality.

"You tried to kill me? I thought you'd never have the guts for it. But then you never have the guts for anything - except for spreading your legs. And now even that won't help you. However, maybe, your skills will be appreciated in prison, ne?"

"Touga, no!" I screamed as he pointed the gun again.

A shot rang through my ears - and Kiryuu-san collapsed on the floor, clasping his wounded leg. Touga stared at his gun with incredibly astonished expression. And the men in the room stared with as much astonishment at the doorway.

Nanami directed the gun in her hand at them.

"No one moves."

"You... you... bitch!" Kiryuu-san's voice broke with pain as he writhed on the floor, a huge stain of red spreading on his grey pants above the knee. Nanami looked at him and shook her head slightly, as if in disbelief. "Fuckin' cunt!"

"Sorry for interrupting you... otosama."

"You'll regret it!"

"I don't think so." She shook her head again and her fair curls fell down from under the black bandana on her head. She looked like a poster for a spy movie, in skin-tight leather and a short jacket. Her gun was a miniature feminine thing, so much unlike mine. "Stay away from me now, father. Stay away from us. Try something - and I'll use this." She raised a gloved hand with a tape in it. "You shouldn't have babbled so much... 'cause it may be used against you."

"You don't know..." Kiryuu-san's face looked pale and old with pain and yet he still tried to get up. "You brainless whore, you're going to lose everything! All your nice clothes, your jewelry, your credit card - everything. I wonder if you have even one friend left when you become nothing, an outcast. You'll both return to the street - just where I found you!"

"I'm paying the debts..." I recalled Touga's voice on that night when everything changed. "For all he did for us."

"I hope you'll die of sepsis," Nanami said royally and turned to us. "And you move! I didn't mean you not to move."

The cuffs snapped open on my wrists and ankles and I took Touga's reached hand. He pulled me up on my feet.

"Where are your clothes?"

"I wish I knew," I muttered.

Eventually we stole a coat, belonging to one of the guests, no doubt. It made me look like an exhibitionist but at least it was better than nothing. Nanami urged on us as I limped out of the house, leaning heavily on Touga's shoulder. Two days of being cuffed didn't do good to my muscles.

Nanami moved straight to Kiryuu's Jaguar.

"Get in, what are you waiting for?"

"You think dad's gonna drive us home?" Touga said.

"Very funny. I have the keys." She threw them up and caught in her palm deftly. Just as their father had done with the bullets a few minutes ago.

The memory was suddenly too much for me. Well, I'd prefer to say it was physical sickness that overwhelmed me but, maybe, it was just terror. My knees went weak and the world twisted around me.

I opened my eyes feeling slight rocking of the car and low rumbling of the engine. I was on the backseat; the cloth of the raincoat was coarse on my raw skin but it didn't feel too bad. And there was the warmth coming from Touga's arms around my shoulders and his lap under my head.

I should've got free from him, I thought looking in concentration at the ivory leather cover of the seat in front of me. But I didn't move.

"Did you hear what names he called me?" Nanami's shrill voice came from the front seat. "And here I thought he cared for me!"

"You shot him in the leg, Nanami." Touga said calmly. But his hand in my hair was anything but calm, fingering, patting it unceasingly, convulsively.

"All the same! He called me brainless! I'm not brainless!"

"Nanami, how did you find us?" Touga interrupted her.

"Huh!" She made a pause, for the greater effect. "You men think you're the only ones with some brain. You think I can't put two and two together, don't you? This idiot of your friend stole the address but there were imprints in the next page. I shaded them with a pencil and the letters came out!"

"You're so incredibly smart," I mumbled.

"You bet I am!" A moment later her voice became icy cold. "Actually, your irony is out of place, Saionji." And one more moment later. "What, you're lucid?"

"He's delirious," Touga said. He kept sorting out my hair, absent-mindedly. I wanted to sit up; but his arm didn't let me, so, I turned on my back and looked up at his face.

His eyes through unkempt strands of red hair seemed infinitely sad - but most probably it was just the shadows in the car. He didn't say anything, just looked at me - and I said nothing, too. There could be worse things than lying on his lap and looking at his pale smiling face.

Then I saw thin silver trickles running from his eyes.

"Touga," I said, "you're crying."

"Not at all," he said in an unchanged voice. His tears fell on my face, warm, wet and salty and I licked them from my lips. I wanted to touch him, I tried to get up again - and his arms strained around me, not letting me go. I stopped trying - but the ring of his arms still tightened around me, as if he couldn't stop it.

Then suddenly he bent towards me, his hair falling over me, casting a curtain of red all around us - and I heard his voice, not a whisper and not composed as usual - but high, almost breaking.

"I love you so much. I love you so very much... I love you for so many years, Kyouichi, please never let me go..."

He took my hand, fingers woven with mine, and brought it to his chest, under his jacket, pressed it to his skin. And through the hardness of his ribcage I felt the steady, strong beating of his heart.

"This... This is disgusting!" Nanami's choked voice caught us. "You don't have anything else to do but to kiss him?!"

Touga raised his head - and in the rear view mirror I saw Nanami's scarlet, angry face and glaring eyes.

I took our intertwined hands and brought them forward, towards her. For a few moments she didn't seem to notice or didn't want to react - and then her small hand lay over mine, her fingers plaited through Touga's. It was so quiet... just the sound of the engine, of the tires rustling on the road. Nothing more. No one else in the whole world. Touga's palm was hot and solid under my palm and Nanami's little fingers clasped on mine from above - and I thought I'd never felt more complete... more real.

"Ooh shit!" Nanami yelled, dropping our hands, and clutched the steering wheel. The car made a zigzag on the road and I saw an angry face of a silver-haired driver in the red car that we nearly missed.

"I think it was Trustee Chairman Ohtori," Touga muttered. "Nanami, for God's sake, if you drive - then drive."

"Nanami is driving." At last I realized it.

"It's difficult to reach the pedals," she complained.

"Don't be surprised when she kills us both," Touga said accusingly.

Nanami snorted.

"Say 'thank you' I don't show you the Ends of the World."

"What's the Ends of the World?" Touga and I said in one voice.


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