Title: Blood Bound
Author: Juxian Tang
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Warning: incest, underage sex
Timing and spoilers: episodes 31-32, set after them
Summary: In her fight against her brother, Nanami chooses the weapon that might
be too destructive.
Akio: You'd better clear up the misunderstanding fast.
Touga: But isn't it more romantic to be siblings not bound by
Akio: Such a bad brother...
Episode 32, Romance of the Dancing Girls
"You stupid little bitch." The silver ponytail of Akio slithered
over his shoulder like a thin snake as he shook his head in disbelief. There
was just a bare tinge of amusement in his voice. "You're trying to
"I know I'm a stupid little bitch. Don't bother to repeat it. I have it
imprinted deep in there." Nanami knocked the tip of her finger against her
She saw a tiny stir of surprise in Akio's narrowed eyes; it didn't sound
like her, did it? What did he know what real "her" was... She didn't
know it herself.
"Good," Akio grinned. "You spare my time. I don't know why I
bother but let me tell you - you can spread your ravings about me and Anthy
wherever you want. I don't care what people think about me."
"Even what Tenjou Utena thinks?"
Touche. She lacked grace when dueling - but now she felt like she could've
She didn't have time for that, however. Her body was suddenly yanked,
handled like a listless thing, thrown flat on the sofa - and Akio's cold, hard
fingers dug in her throat. His face was very close, dark and harsh - but a
loose strand of his hair brushing against her cheek was soft like silk.
"She won't believe you."
"Trust me..." It was difficult to talk because of his hand
crushing her windpipe and Nanami's voice came off hoarse, distorted. "I'm
going to be very, very persistent telling her how you molest your sister."
She felt dizzy as she looked in his eyes, almost as if her mind was
separating from her body and floating away; it reminded her the strange state
of weightlessness she had felt in Akio's car. She clawed on her consciousness
with despair of a famished on a piece of bread. It took a while before she
realized finally that Akio's hand stopped pressing.
Taking a breath was still difficult and her voice squeaked.
"So, are you going to kill me - or will you just leave these nice
imprints of your fingers on my neck?"
"I can throw you down." He reminded her about his strength shaking
her like a doll. "You'll be a bag of bones when you stop rolling,
She had imagined that, before going up to meet him - and the thought of the
long fall made her stomach clench and twist. But now, almost proudly, she
realized her body didn't tremble, her eyes didn't blink, still locked with
"Do you think I'm afraid? Do you think you can hurt me more than *he*
already had? Men..." A chuckle sounded alien in her raw throat. "You
think you hold the power - just because you're stronger."
He kept looking at her, closely, scrutinizing his face. The smell of his eau
de toilette, fruity and with a sultry-sweet under-note, was very strong, almost
overwhelming. It made Nanami sick; men weren't supposed to smell like this.
Well, what did she know about how men were supposed to smell? Rather, any smell
seemed bad to her; any smell that wasn't Touga's.
"You're a pretty disgusting thing, do you know that?" Akio said.
But neither his voice was rude nor his fingers that ran over the line of her
cheekbone. His skin was soft but she knew better than to let it lull her.
He was opening nicely for a swift kick between his legs, Nanami noticed -
and decided that staying pliant would gain her more.
"I don't ask you to love me," she whispered, her voice as hasty
and gentle as she could muster. His fingers wandered over his cheek - and
suddenly lost their tenderness as he hooked the corner of her mouth with his
"Ask? You call it asking? And what is that you do ask me?"
She didn't have to think about the answer - she had it on her mind, on the
tip of her tongue, had practically nothing but it.
Akio's hands that squeezed her upper arms were no less cruel than they had
been when he was throttling her. He shook her again, her hair lashing against
her cheeks, as he pulled her into a sitting position on the sofa. She made
herself relax, be unresisting, almost limp in his grip; but the most difficult
thing was to meet his eyes again.
Nanami would like to cry then; she hadn't realized it before but she must've
been crying so much because tears made her vision blurry, let her stop seeing
what she couldn't bear seeing.
Only she didn't cry any more. She vowed no one would make her cry again.
Neither Touga, nor anyone else... Then, on the Arena of Duels, after having
lost to Utena, she'd shed her last tears - tears that hadn't brought her
anything - as they never did... not even a touch from her... brother.
"There's something in you..." Another shake from Akio, so hard
that it almost made her teeth chatter; and his eyes roamed over her body,
assessing every curve and straight line of it. "Pathetic as you are... And
if I agree - just 'if', mind you - it'll be because you interest me, not
because I'm afraid of your miserable attempts at blackmail."
"Sure," she nodded, a shadow of smile coming to her lips.
"Whatever you say... sensei."
* * *
The night was chilly. The air she inhaled seemed frigid in her chest,
burning through her lungs and adding another layer of ice around her heart. She
would close the window but it became too stuffy at once. So, she wrapped a
blanket around herself and shivered through her waiting.
Scintillating blue digits on the clock at the head-bed seemed to be frozen,
mostly. But sometimes Nanami seemed to lose huge chunks of time - half an hour
or more at once - as she kept sitting in the same position, crouched, her arms
hugging her knees tightly.
Her mind was rolling the same thought frantically, over and over again. It
was unspeakable; she couldn't do it. Not this way, at least!.. He didn't
deserve that; she didn't deserve that. No matter what he, Touga, had done to
her - could she do it to him? Could she match him in cruelty... and did she
But of course, Touga deserved it. And she - she deserved it, too. After all,
she paid the price and was getting what she paid for. Otherwise - was everything
she'd done in vain?
Nanami raised her hand tentatively, touched her throat that still felt too
vulnerable, too tender. There was no trace on it, though. Somehow Akio managed
not to leave traces... just like everything else he had done to her left no
trace as well.
She didn't regret anything. At least she had repeated it to herself enough
times to finally believe it. Akio's lessons were worth the dearest. She herself
would never be planning to do it this way...
Oh yes. Right. She herself, a fool she was, would rather appear in Touga's
bedroom in her nightgown and throw herself at him, crying her heart out. And
beg him to take her, while somewhere deep in her heart she still would have
some tiny hope that this time, for once, he would do what she so desperately
really wanted him to do... would just hold her - and kiss it better - and call
her his sister again.
"But you know what he'd do then, right?" Akio's voice was
so clear, sounding in her temples - as if she had taken this voice with her
from the observatory today. "He'll ask you if you think he's so
desperate to be lured with your assets. He'll throw you out, with your frilly
nightgown and teary eyes..."
She knew it; Touga would hurt her if she gave him a chance to do so. He just
wouldn't be able to help it. It was what Nanami had known about her brother
long before, just never wanted to admit it - at least not as long as the worst
lashes of Touga's scorn missed her. He was as much a prisoner of his cruelty as
she was a prisoner of her passion... her prince locked in the armor of
She had to fight him with his own weapon if she wanted to win. Even if the
wounds might be mortal.
Nanami took a shuddering breath that sounded all the way like a sob - but
dry, no tears leaking out, just as she vowed - and Akio's voice sounded in her
head again, as a memory now.
"So, tell me why you want to do it to your brother."
"He's not my brother, you know it very well," she snapped,
her usual self for once.
"Oh, I see."
Akio's lips tasted grapes and salt. His cock tasted salt and bitterness,
like seawater when there's too much of it, when you drown and it fills your
mouth and your nostrils... she had been drowning once, when she was five, when
her inflatable duck blew off... it was Touga who had rescued her then... There
was too much of Akio's cock, beating into her mouth, expanding her throat.
"You're not bad, for a beginner." Later he looked at her flushed
face, holding her head tilted up in the tight grip of his hand. His finger
caught a small trickle of white in the corner of her mouth. "You have a
potential, Kiryuu Nanami."
She almost stopped feeling his dumb perfume as he lay on her, his cock, hard
again, pressed against her belly, uncomfortable and yet making her feel somehow
too warm and uneasy.
"Not into there," she said. "Just not into there."
"Of course," he smiled, playing with his ponytail over her face.
"You'll keep it for your precious brother."
He showed her what one could do just with lips and fingers, though.
And when she walked away, with nothing in her body changed and nothing in
her soul left intact, he looked back at her, his voice cool and light, almost a
perfect imitation of Touga's:
"And change your hairstyle. You look like my grandmother."
She heeded his advice; light, soft strands of her hair tickled against her
cheeks as she pressed her forehead to her knees. It was not a good feeling; for
some reason it chilled her even more.
She couldn't keep waiting. Half past two... It had to be the right time.
Frilly nightgown... Nanami smiled bitterly at the thought. She should've
left it here, just to do everything right, but she was too cold and the long
walk along the dark, empty corridor frightened her.
Don't you dare be afraid. You're not that stupid, weak girl any more,
she told herself while getting up and walking to the door. You're not the
Nanami you had been.
Perhaps it was the truth; but if she only knew who she was now...
The corridor seemed endless, the dark ceiling too high above her head to see
it - and the starry sky through the huge windows followed her with many eyes
all the way as she walked. Too far... It was always too far between them... too
long a table, their rooms too far apart, the curtain of Touga's red hair
separating him from her... Impossible to reach - apart from stolen glances,
All right, she was a thief! So what? She had nothing of her own - what else
could she do but steal?
Nanami's hands almost didn't shake as she pushed Touga's door open. So
heavy... But she had this strength in her, the strength that had helped her to
bend Akio to her will.
As she entered the room, her eyes were in no need to get used to the
darkness. Sometimes it seemed to her she could see as well as any night
creature - a small owl, maybe - a little predator that is as much in danger to
become a prey itself. Her brother's face against the black stylish linen of his
bed was marble white, the scarlet of his hair glimmering like embers. She held
his breath as she listened to Touga's steady, soft breathing.
So quiet; so tranquil. He almost seemed vulnerable to her, like this - and,
pressing her back to the door, Nanami thought again that she could just stop it
all. Now it wasn't too late... It wasn't too late to go back to her room - to
her misery - to meeting Touga's mocking gaze over the breakfast.
Her fingernails made a shrill, nasty sound, scratching against the wood.
No, she wouldn't go! She couldn't forgive him. He'd betrayed her.
Her bare feet made a soft slapping sound against the floor as she walked
towards his bed - too soft to disturb him. The nightgown just rustled as Nanami
slid out of it, pooled around her ankles. She didn't feel cold any more - she
didn't know whether she felt anything at all. His beauty always mystified her
so much, rendered her helpless, especially recently - and yet now, when she was
so close to getting what she dreamed about, in hidden, uncontrollable, sweet
and nasty dreams - she didn't feel anything but hardness in her chest.
The tips of her fingers were too cool; she realized it a moment before
touching Touga's cheek, to pull away a strand of his hair. Hastily, Nanami put
them in her mouth to warm them up - and already remembered Akio's voice,
spilling advice as he spilled his pre-cum in her mouth.
"Don't touch him. Don't put your hands on him. Be deft. Be
I don't want to be clever! Pain slammed into her, all of a sudden,
making her feel alive again. It hurt inside, it felt like knives were ripping
her heart into shreds. Knives... fuckin' little mermaid, getting what she'd
paid for... only with the knives pierced her chest, not her feet. I want him
to hug me, to hold me, to pet me, to fall asleep in his arms...
She recalled hard, cruel pressure of his lips against hers in Akio's car...
There was little she remembered about that ride - but Touga's lips, his kiss
and his voice seemed to be imprinted in her mind forever.
"Isn't it what you always wanted me to do?"
How little he knew, her big brother. But if he wanted it this way - well,
she'd be what he wanted her to be.
She pulled his blanket away and slid into his bed, her compact body against
his long and narrow; naked against naked. The crooks of his elbows and joining
of his thighs were warmer than the rest of him, almost radiating heat. Nanami
shuddered and felt this movement resonate in Touga's body. She froze as he
turned on his back, throwing his limbs widely - never waking up.
A tress of his hair lay across his face, probably ticklish, and his thin
brows drew together in a small trembling frown. She watched him all - his
chiseled, pale face, all white with his eyes closed, just with the flame of his
hair - and his body, so long and thin and smooth, the dark peaks of his nipples
hard with a draft or with her stare.
She could just look at him like that, for ages, couldn't she? In his sleep
her brother was not cruel or distant or mockingly gentle; in silence all the
words he'd said to hurt her seemed never-existing, never been said. He couldn't
be the source of her misery, couldn't be the one who'd made her suffer.
Well, it was not about suffering, was it? They would be happy together,
that's why she was doing it, ne? For happiness, not for revenge.
Like Akio and Anthy were happy? A split image of a frail dark body flashed
in front of Nanami's eyes, a flood of violet hair over narrow shoulders. But
she and Touga were not siblings, were not blood related... All that was between
them was deception and betrayal and unkindness.
"I hate you, brother."
She reached her hand and brushed the annoying strand away from his face
lightly. Her heart ached at the sight of his face smoothening immediately,
getting contented. Like a little child... She'd been the little one between
them two... would it never be the same again? Had she lost something too
important in the observatory with Akio yesterday? Or before that, when she'd
decided she would fight her brother with his own weapon.
Her brother, her brother... wrong words! Touga was not - she should've got
used to it. He was a beautiful stranger whose cool voice she'd heard from the greenhouse:
"My parents told me 'think of her as your sister and treat her
well.' If not for that, there's no way I'd hang around her."
A stranger who kissed her in the crazy car of the crazy Chairman. A stranger
who hadn't wrapped his arms around her shoulders when she cried, defeated by
Utena... and smiled briefly as she returned home.
In love or in war - if you don't strike back, you lose.
Nanami rose over Touga, her hair falling over his chest - soft strands
whispering against his skin. Oh Akio - he'd been right about her hair - it
really was better this way. It was... a touch of a genius, ne? She caught a
small shiver going through Touga's body, not making him wake up. Her hair
brushed against his skin as she shook her head; the lightest of the touches against
his sternum, the briefest one against his nipple.
"Make your body into a weapon..." Akio's voice was still
with her, never leaving her. She wondered if he'd ever leave at all... the
third one in bed. But it was the choice she'd made herself.
Touga's chest rose and fell steadily in centimeters from her lips, Nanami's
breath joining her hair in the play of non-existent touches. She moved down,
pulled the blanket away from Touga's hips, revealing finally what she'd known
she would see, what she wanted to see.
He was hard. His cock, just a bit darker than his white body, lay upright
against his concave belly, against the soft red curls of his groin. So
straight, so solid - so much what she desired.
Or, maybe, not.
Was everything coming to *this* weapon? All the years, all her life when she
couldn't imagine a day without her brother at her side, all the times he'd been
there when she needed him. She felt familiar stinging in her eyes - and put a
hand against her face, just in case if she wasn't able to resist and cried, not
to let her tears fall on him and wake him up.
She tortured her lip with her teeth, managed not to cry. A touch of her hair
against his cock made him arch his back, striving into the contact. Her mouth
was soft and moist as she enveloped his cock with her lips.
His smell was milk and almond and his skin tasted just like hers when she
licked her fingers clean after eating a candy. She knew him so well - how he
smelled, how he felt, how warm it was to be near to him. She knew him almost
like herself - and didn't know him at all.
Her mouth worked on his cock, applying the skills acquired in the morning
session with Akio successfully. He moaned as she ran her tongue against his
length - a soft, tormented, childish sound. Looking over the curve of his thigh
she saw his hand clawing into the black sheets and felt a sad chuckle rise in
her chest. It never reached her lips, however, her mouth too occupied with
warm, sweeping sliding along his shaft.
Her saliva was going to make it easier; she remembered what Akio had said
about it. She wasn't sure there was enough of her own fluid between her legs
but listening to Touga's hasty, odd breath, she knew she couldn't delay longer.
She let his cock go, saw him shift slightly in impatience - and stretched
along his body, her lips against his ear, whispering through the veil of his
Nanami didn't know what he was dreaming about - but her words were enough
for Touga to act; his long arms wrapped around her, toppled her over, his body
rose over hers. Mesmerized, she looked at his blind face tilted down to her.
Now his hair was spilled over her face, a shroud of red, soft shroud that hid
the world away from her.
So, that was it... the weight, the crushing strength of his arms, the
hardness pressing against her belly. She thought that - and guided his cock
He stopped being pliant at once as he was on top, as if her words had
released him somehow. Now he was more like Touga she had known. He pushed into
her and she bit her lips not to cry out. The pain was bad; he was too big for
her - and as she felt him entering her, she tossed her head from side to side
on the pillow, struggling to stay silent.
He was hurting her... just like he always did. In Nanami's hazed mind, a
thought flashed suddenly - what if he was not asleep, what if he was doing it
consciously, inflicting this pain to her. What if he won again?
Damn you, brother! She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him
closer, and felt his movements inside her become slicker, smoother and faster.
He could've been lying - with every word, every smile of his - but his body
didn't lie now. His body depended on hers at the moment as he rose to the peak
"I won, brother," she whispered.
He had been asleep. She understood it at the moment his eyes, pools of
sunny-sky blue, opened on his face - for a short, short moment still dazed with
pleasure - and then going wide as he recognized her.
She was prepared; her legs locked around his hips, with the strength she
hadn't known in herself, and held him tight - held him all through the
convulsive movements of his body as he gasped, filling her with his semen.
It was all over - she didn't need to clutch on him any more. There was a
feeling of wetness and slipperiness between her thighs. She held Touga's head
in a languid cradle of her palms, her icy fingers plaited through his hair.
She saw him blink - as if he still didn't want to believe what he saw, as if
he still hoped that *this* was a dream. His pupils were too big when his eyes
"What have you done?"
She had an answer for that:
"But you knew I wanted it. Didn't you offer it to me in the car?"
Her words sounded very smart and confident to her - but a ripple of pain on
his face made her fear that he didn't hear what she said. His thin-fingered
hand crumpled the sheet, the hand that had never touched her face or her
breasts this night.
"What have you done?!"
His hair lashed over her face, his limbs caught against her body as he got
up from her in an abrupt motion. His cock, though soft, wrenched out of her
sore entrance, made her jerk in pain. She restrained a shriek - and he didn't
seem to notice anything, backing away from her, first on the opposite end of
his vast bed and then farther, on the floor to the window.
She almost guessed the word he didn't say. Bitch. Stupid little bitch.
That's what she was. A bitch - or a witch, what difference did it make? Or a
'commonplace, boring woman...' His woman now.
She started freezing again; she hadn't realized how warm his body had kept
her - until he was gone.
"Don't tell me you're so disgusted with me you can't stand a thought of
having fucked me." She stretched in the bed, put her arms above her head.
She didn't know if she made a good imitation of languidness; the inner sides of
her thighs squelched with liquid, cold and uncomfortable.
Touga's profile in the moonlight seemed ghostly white - except for the black
pain in his eyes.
She'd hurt him; she didn't know which way - but she succeeded. She didn't
know if there was joy in this thought either.
"Why, Nanami?" he asked.
"Why not? Forget it if you want - I'm just one of the many that you
bedded, ne? Just like any girl for you. After all, we're not siblings..."
For some reason these words caused him to bite his lips, as if in suffering
- and intuitively, she hit again, searching blindly for his soft place:
"Maybe, I'll even get your baby now. You said you preferred girls -
well, I feel the same."
It seemed something snapped in him at this moment, pain changing into rage
in his eyes. He moved towards her - and seemed to recall his nakedness all of a
sudden. Black silk against his paleness looked startling, the contrast almost
She didn't know if he realized *her* nakedness. His eyes slid over her body
without lingering, just his eyelashes flew up as he glanced at her groin. His
fingers clasped on her upper arm, pulled her off of the bed and up on her feet.
Piercing pain between her thighs made her gasp - and she felt something
liquid slither over her legs but had no time to look there. Touga flinched at
her shriek, a shadow of guilt flitting over his face. She could've exhilarated
- she made him feel guilty, after all... But the expression of unhappiness was
gone almost immediately, just grave, hopeless determination stayed.
"Get out of here!" His voice through the clenched teeth was
distorted - and Nanami could've considered it her victory as well - but she
hurt too much and was scared too much to think about it.
"What... brother, what are you doing?.."
He didn't listen. He didn't bother to pick up her nightgown from the floor,
dragged her naked along the corridor, to her room, pushed her inside and
slammed the door shut behind her.
Nanami threw herself against the door - as if this way she could undo what
he'd done, could make him go back, could be with him again. She heard him still
being there, behind the door.
"You stupid, stupid little girl... why did you do it?.."
She could hear a hard sound of his fist smashing against the wood, with
dangerous force. She got afraid he could've break the bones in his hand, how he
would duel then... She wanted to say she was sorry. Sorry for wronging him...
for destroying everything.
But hadn't she wanted to destroy him? Just like he'd been destroying her,
methodically - with every heartless word of his, every glance that he didn't
give her. She just tried so hard, did her best to match him at it.
And now she could hear him hitting his hands against the door he'd shut
himself. And then he was gone.
She grasped the door handle to run after him, to make it up somehow - and
couldn't. "He'll laugh in your face," Akio's voice told her in
her mind. Or, maybe, he wouldn't laugh. Maybe, he would just look through her.
Ingeniously, he would choose the best way to hurt her, would do what she was
most afraid of him doing.
No, let him go. There would be another day, another night to fight
him. Another chance to crawl in his bed and steal what he turned out to be not
ready to give her.
Nanami's legs gave way and she slid on the floor, crumpled against the shut
door. Small, cold and shivering. Her palms got wet somehow and she looked at
them - and saw something reddish and sticky on her skin. Blood... Blood that
trickled over her leg and marked her way as Touga had dragged her back to her
room. Did he notice these traces as he walked back?
In the empty huge house that seemed to swallow every sound, she heard with
startling clearness how something brittle - glass? - broke in Touga's room,
heard the rustle of his sheets yanked away from his bed roughly - and his
strangled, short wordless cry.
Nanami put her forehead against her knees and huddled, her bare shoulders
trembling thinly as little gasps came from her mouth. She didn't cry; she'd
vowed not to. She laughed.